


The Balloon Incident

by Seesaws



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Gen, Highschool AU, Teacher AU, its a highschool au but they are teachers, mentions of greed/ling, mentions of other fma characters who are staff at the school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 13:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18366665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seesaws/pseuds/Seesaws
Summary: Ed and Roy are teachers at a highschool and some grad students pull a prank on them, as grad students do. Everyone is a suspect, even the other teachers. Too bad they cant do anything about it though.





	The Balloon Incident

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a One-shot/side story for a full on Fma teacher au I have. General writing test run since I'm new at this.

It was seven am on a Tuesday morning and Roy was already tired of this week. Yawning, he rubbed his eyes and tucked some papers under his arm.

Lucky bastards Roy thought.

Pro-D days meant that while the students got the day off, all the teachers still had to come in on those unfortunate Mondays and prep for the next few weeks of classes. Seminars, meetings, organization, whatever it was it always seemed to displace the rest of the week. Roy's shoes scuffed the linoleum as he rounded the corner to his classroom. Half awake he pulled out his keys to unlock the door. Barely open a foot, three balloons tumbled out of the doorway.

“What the-?”

\--------

“-Anyways, so the plan is to meet up with them on Saturday around noon so we can hang out before we go.”

“Alright, sounds good. See ya later Al.”

“Later Ed.” Alphonse waved him off as they went their separate ways.

Ed wasn’t exactly ecstatic to go see Greed’s band, the guy had this weird twist on punk rock that didn’t really appeal to him. Unfortunately, due to losing a bet he was now conscripted into going. He didn’t mind hanging out with Ling outside of work, but ever since him and Greed got married and The Devil's Nest becoming more popular post-tour, that idiot was on some weird cloud nine high. He didn’t really express it verbally but it was all in the way he acted. It was different than his showy personality he always put on as a front. This kind of happy Ling was something else. It was genuine.

Perhaps he could try and enjoy the concert.

Lost in his thoughts, Ed opened the door to his classroom and paused for a moment. “What the hell?”

Balloons pooled around his feet and started to flow out of the doorway. Ed’s eyes began to widen as he opened the door further. The entire room was filled with multicolored balloons. Vibrant bubbles of yellow, green, pink and purple piled up to his knees, and spread from wall to wall.

Irritably kicking them out of his path he made his way through the sea of plastic, placing his things on his desk and shoving off the balloons that sat upon it.

“Come on! What kind of senior prank is this? Balloons? Really? How many do you gotta drag in here for just one room anyways?!” He yelled while digging around his drawers for a tac or something sharp enough to put an end to it all. “And why me of all teachers? Couldn’t they have done this to Mustang instead?” He ranted to himself only getting more frustrated about the situation. Having to pop these would be a pain, but he only really needed to do a few before the janitor could deal with the rest. Pulling out a pin he raised his arm before snapping it down on his first victim. A loud crack emitted from the pressurized air only to be accompanied by a burst of glitter exploding in his face. “The FUCK!?” He popped another only to receive the same result. Not that he was surprised or anything but he had hoped at least it was just a coincidence that the one on the center of his desk would be filled.

That’s when he noticed the note. Dead center of his computer screen there was a piece of paper taped to it with a message. “Inside one is the answer of who.”

He didn’t need an explanation. The culprit of this mess planned it. As if he was going to fall for that. There probably wasn’t even a slip of paper in any of these. Ed slammed down in his seat to wallow in rage and his growing bitter attitude only to find that a mistake, as his ass was now coated in glitter to accompany his shirt. That’s it. He’s going to find out who is responsible for this prank and he is going to find out no matter how much glitter is in these damn things. Someone was clearly dedicated to piss him off and he was going to make them pay for it with all of teacher  authority he had. Grumbling as he popped balloon after balloon then escalating to yelling at each one individually. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven....

“AUGH! COME ON! WHOEVER DID THIS IS GOING TO PAY!”

\--------

Inside one is the answer of who.

Roy didn’t need to pop them all, he had already sat on two and popped countless others before seeing the note on his desk. He knew exactly who. Only one person would pull this kind of stunt to add to Roy’s misery. Some kind of sick joke to make fun of him for procrastinating on his paperwork probably. Or even just for the hell of it. Swatting balloons aside as he worked his way through the door and headed straight for lab 310, storming his way to the end of the hall fuming in annoyance while dripping in glitter.

“ELRIC!” he shouted while busting the door open.

Glitter flew off his arms with the motion and fell to the ground in a slow descent, as Roy took in the scene in front of him. Just like his classroom, this one also contained a collection of balloons in the same set of colors almost reaching his knees in depth. In the corner, sitting at his desk was none other than Ed himself. Slumped over a stack of papers cloaked in a layer of shiny confetti while weeping, head buried in his arms only letting out a defeated, muffled cry.

After Roy had told Ed to pull himself together and that it’s pathetic to breakdown over some balloons, they came up with a temporary solution to their problem. Trapping the colored monstrosities in with chairs or boxes in the corners or behind doors and sweeping up any of the glitter. Unfortunately there was so much glitter, it was getting stuck to their clothes and hair, it felt like they would be shaking it out of their sleeves all day. Ed had no labs for class today so at least they didn't have to worry about chemistry experiments going horribly wrong.

“What made you think I did it anyways? It’s obviously some grad prank.” Ed asked.

“I figured it was your way of getting back at me for what happened in the bar that one time.” Roy admitted feeling a bit silly.

“Yeah and I will get back at you! I’m still mad about that!” Ed retorted.

You’re mad about everything I do, Roy thought to himself.

“But I was gonna do it some other way, least of all at the school! You think I want to get in trouble with admin for making a mess? You guys get all in my face for ‘unnecessary chem labs’ every time I plan a lesson!”

“You’re ‘lessons’” Roy emphasized with dramatic air quotes “Hardly ever line up with the districts curriculum. It’s a wonder you managed to even teach here this long, let alone even finish your practicum.”

“Maybe my students actually like me cause I’m doing something right, otherwise I wouldn't still be here would I?” Ed snapped back, kicking a stray balloon.

“My students like me!” Roy cried, defensive.

“That’s only because your a VP and they would rather talk to you than Armstrong because you’re a wuss compared to her.” explained Ed, putting his hands on his hips.

“Hey! I am not!”

“Oh please, do you think they filled up her office with balloons?”

That was a fair point.

“Yeah that’s what I thought! ‘Cause I wouldn't want to be under her wrath either if that were me!”

Roy sat back down in his desk. They had already contained the mess in both their classrooms and it was almost 8:30. “Whatever. You should get back to your room. The bell going to ring any moment now.” He said somewhat defeated. God he was not looking forward to spending all day in glitter and having to try and get any leads on the balloons origins every class. As if any of the grad students were going to come forward, he laughed to himself.

“Ugh fine. Just don’t come running to me next time they pull a prank on you because you don’t want to admit the facts.” With that Ed exited the room and right on cue the bell rang.

 

It all went about as he thought it would. Students would both shrug and laugh when he asked about the balloons, many of which tried and failed (or didn't try at all) to discreetly take photos of his glittery appearance. Not one came forward and he wasn't really able to get a read on anyone who might have showed their hand. Mostly he was bothered that both his morning classes popped some of the balloons barricaded in the corner as if they didn't believe him that they were filled with glitter. He had to rebuild his little wall every damn hour too. Why hasn't the janitor or someone gone to deal with it yet? He had called and sent an email out before his first class started and now it was lunch hour. His chair was also separately pre-coated in glitter so he had to either use a student chair or choose to get even more of it on his clothes. He admittedly had to give the culprits credit for all the effort though. Pre-filling balloons with glitter and enough of them to fill a classroom was actually kind of impressive. What he and didn't understand was how they got in. Someone had to give them the keys and not just to his room but to Elrics as well.

So he had to make a list of culprits and co-conspirators. Students and staff alike. It can’t be Elric for obvious reasons, and not his brother either. He doubted Alphonse wanted to hear Eds ranting about as much as Roy did. While Armstrong is his staff rival she would consider it childish and wouldn’t help students cause chaos in ‘her school’ as she put it. All the other staff members either didn't really give much a shit or weren't likely to be approached by students to pull it off. He then considered Ling Yao. It was his first year teaching here and he was a friend of Ed’s and had no problem with pissing him off. On top of that many students have taken quite well to him. But there was no way Ling would have a key to Roy’s room. Eds maybe, but not his. So he was still left with no good suspect on the staff end of things. He'll have to keep asking around.

When he arrived at the staff room he received the same reaction from his co-workers as he did his students. Ed had been exiled to a side table and away from the coffee machine.

“Sorry but I’d rather not have glitter in my coffee” Miles said dismissively as Roy went to get a cup of his own. Hawkeye bless her, had gotten him a cup already only to be betrayed and sent to the same side table as Ed.

“It reduces the mess we’ll have to clean later.” She said pointedly while sitting down with Miles. Fine, Roy pouted to himself. “By the way,” She spoke, “Principle Grumman said that you two have to take care of the balloons yourselves.”

“What?!” Ed and Roy blurted out simultaneously.

“Don't we have a janitor for a reason?!” exclaimed Ed.

“Grumman said that since it’s already mostly contained it’s not that hard to deal with, and that the janitor already needs to clean up your trails wherever you go around the school.” She continued “Also he thought it was a good enough equivalent to ‘getting along in the workplace’ training for you two.”

“I’m sorry what?” Roy balked, offended. “We have been coworkers for a while now, neither of us are new hires, on top of which I’m a Vice Principal! How does that even add up?!”

“If you have a problem with it, take it up with Grumman. Although I doubt you will have any success since Armstrong agreed with him.” Miles snorted into his coffee at Riza's statement.

Great. Grumman and Armstrong. This is what he gets for being a VP? Damn them both.

“What, can’t handle a little cleaning up with your coworker?” Ed smirked as if the punishment wasn’t on him too.

“I can handle that just fine thank you very much, I’m just worried you will make more of a mess than you have already.” Roy countered.

They continued their petty argument during the lunch hour while Riza and Miles just rolled their eyes at the both of them from the other table.

 

The rest of the school day went much like the first half, Students taking photos, teachers shrugging their shoulders or ignoring his questions about who might have let the students in. Hughes did offer to take some of the balloons off his hands to give to his daughter, in exchange for a photo of Roy covered in glitter standing in the pool of balloons. It was a little embarrassing but it was a good number less of them he had to deal with.

Now that most students have gone home and only a few after school activities were running, Roy and Ed had to decide on what to do with all the balloons. They'd tried popping them all individually while inside a garbage bag but the air that exited the plastic at the same time would just push all the glitter up the bag and into their faces like a funnel. It also didn’t help that it made more of a mess in the classrooms. So, begrudgingly they hauled them all out of the school into the courtyard next to the parking lot.

“I mean, they had to carry them into our rooms somehow, and they weren’t there yesterday so they had to have done it after we were done PD-day or before class this morning.” Ed commented as they dragged the final bags of balloons out.

“Any luck on finding out who might have done it?” Roy asked.

“Well, I’ve been trying to narrow it down to students in both of our classes which isn’t many but those that I did manage to single out didn’t really seem like the type of students to plan this, or who would commit to something like this. I mean I have to give credit for that, all the glitter and balloons must have taken a while to prepare.” Ed sighed somewhat appreciatively.

“Did you consider they could have been in our classes in previous years and not just now?”

Ed just stared at him with a slow and pained realization that statement brought. “Man! That just makes nearly the whole student body suspects!” he yelled throwing his arms in the air glitter flying with them.

“And you said the students like you. You can’t even figure out who did it.” he teased Ed.

“Oh yeah?” Ed put his fits on his hips. “You have any leads you would like to share?”

He gave Ed a pointed look. “I was focusing more on co-conspirators.”

“Co- conspirators?”

“Exactly. Someone had to have let them inside our classrooms, add to the fact we are cleaning it up because Grumman gave us that weird excuse for ‘getting along in the workplace training.’ Obviously someone in the staff is in on it.” he stated why hauling one of the bags full of balloons to the center of the courtyard.

“Damn I didn’t even think of that…” Ed trailed off. “So who of the staff did you have as a co-conspirator?”

“We’ll I doubted it was your brother since he didn't seem to enjoy putting up with your ranting earlier this morning, so he was out. Next I considered Ling because he’s new and has many students who like him and he would enjoy watching this, but there is no way he has a key to my room.”

“So in other words you got nothing.” Ed said in a teasing and mocking tone all while smirking at him.

“Hey! At least I considered the staff!”

Ed pressed on, “You sure it wasn’t anyone in your little social circle?”

“I highly doubt it. I asked them all to keep an eye and ear out for both staff and students and none of them had found anything by the end of today.”

“I don’t know Mustang…” Ed dragged on “It was Hawkeye who told us about our cleaning duty. You sure she wasn’t in on it?”

“Please, you don’t know her nearly as well as I do. It’s not her.”

Ed shrugged and raised his eyebrows. “If you say so.”

“Whatever” Roy huffed. “Let’s just pop these bastards and sweep the aftermath so we can go home and shower.” He opened the first large bag of balloons. It was going to be a long evening he thought to himself. He was hunched over fishing out his keys to start the endeavor when he heard a snap over his head. The shimmering confetti clouding his vision momentarily. “Hey what the hell was that for?” Roy whipped around to look at Ed who was looking proud of himself.

“That was for what happened at the bar.” He answered point-of-factly with a smile.

“I thought you said you were gonna get back at me some other way!?” Roy shook some of the glitter out of his hair frustrated.

“Yeah I was, until I realized I could just take advantage of the situation right now and get it over and done with.”

Roy sighed. “I suppose I should be grateful as one balloon filled with glitter is tame compared to whatever I thought you were going to do in turn for the bar.”

“Well…. It’s more like the cherry on top for what I already did in return.” Ed snickered to himself.

Roy squinted at him. “What do you mean you already did.”

Ed laughed and pulled out another balloon this time popping it in his hands and letting the glitter fall to his feet. They had to sweep it all up anyways. “Lets just say we now have matching photos.”

Wait. What?

“So that’s why Hughes offered to take some balloons?!” he gawked. “And here I thought he was doing me a favor, just getting a laugh out of it in the process.”

“Haha! Serves you right you bastard!” Eds cackling echoed out into the evening air.

Roy pulled out a balloon of his own. “Well in that case if you got your cherry on top I suppose I’ll have mine as well.”

“Huh!?” By the time Ed registered what was happening his hair was already full of multi-colored specs. In his ever so well thought out process, Ed reached behind him and grabbed another balloon popping it in Roy's face which in reality, was in both of their faces.

“I don’t know what you were trying to achieve with that one but alright.” Roy commented flatly.

Ed shook his hair out. “Shut up!”

Roy retrieved another balloon and stretched his arm out as if presenting a gift, wordlessly popping it in Eds face. He watched as the shorter man fussed around even more. “Oh so were doing that now are we?” Ed glared at Roy.

“Doing what now?” Roy tilted his head pretending to look confused. To which Ed just shouted in frustration and took one of the bags of balloons and emptied it in Roys direction who in turn, just let them fall to the ground not moving an inch. He stared at Ed. Really that was it? He bent down to pop some of the air filled plastic at his feet when Ed started giggling. The moment Roy looked up he heard the click of a camera and saw a phone pointed at his face.

“Oh man that is just too good. You know I think I can be satisfied with this.” Ed continued to giggle at him.

What in the world was funny now? He was just popping some goddamn balloons. Ed turned his phone so Roy could see the screen. “God I’m keeping this forever” Ed continued to laugh at himself. On the screen was Roy looking up at the camera almost perfectly timed with a look of exhaustion and confusion, covered in glitter from head to toe with a single Pink balloon stuck to his hair from all the static. He had to admit it was pretty funny, although extremely stupid at the same time.

Ed was almost wheezing at this point. “It’s like a literal cherry on top!”

It was that comment that actually made Roy snort and start laughing with him. He continued to pop the glitter bombs as both of them kept giggling. Somehow it escalated, once more ending up with them popping the glitter in each others faces and laughing at the absurdity of the situation. When all was said and done and there were no balloons left they cleaned up the shimmering mess and swept it all into the garbage bags from before. The sun was beginning to set and the cool breeze of late autumn swept the remaining bits of glitter across the concrete. They sat on one of the benches lining the courtyard looking at the conclusion of their wacky day piled up in garbage bags tucked away near the entrance.

Roy heard Ed sigh, tired and content next to him. “You know that was kinda fun. Almost.” Roy just smiled silently and leaned back further. “We still gotta find out which brats did this though.”

“Oh, absolutely.”

**Author's Note:**

> Critique and comments welcome! I have no one to beta read this for me so yeehaw.  
> Anyways, the main teacher au will primarily focus on Greed/Ling but there will be other side adventures for all the other staff/characters too. Roy and Ed just felt like a pretty easy place to test it out.


End file.
